Hospice Services of Lake County’s (HSLC) volunteers who visit hospice patients have noted that most people with a terminal illness or those facing death from old age are not as afraid of dying as they are of feeling alone and forgotten. Angela Birk, a patient support volunteer, has been visiting patients of HSLC on and off for 12 years. She says that most people are very open about dying and welcome her company. They want to know that someone cares and is there to listen to life stories or talk on a topic of interest. “Don’t ever be afraid of what to say or do,” advises Birk, “say whatever you’d say if they weren’t dying.” Experience has taught Birk and other volunteers that people who are dying want to laugh and be treated normally.
Volunteer Marilyn Cleveland Shupe advises to simply meet the patient and take it from there. She finds that the smallest things she does for a person are much appreciated. One patient didn’t want to talk. Undeterred, she began massaging his feet and he opened up and talked for three hours. Another volunteer said you may not know the patient when you walk in the door, but by the time you leave you’ve learned something deep and personal about that person.
Lyndon Pulsifer, a three year volunteer for HSLC, tells of a patient who told stories of her life living in San Francisco with horses and buggies, the first motor car in the city, and how she loved to dance. At his last visit with her, after eating pizza and watching a Giants game together, she was resting. She opened her eyes and looked at him and told him she was so glad that he was there. She died peacefully several hours later. “And that’s the payoff,” says Pulsifer. It’s the privilege of connecting, of building trust and getting to know someone.
Ask a volunteer why they choose to visit people who are dying and you are likely to hear that it is very rewarding, an awesome experience, that they learn so much, they make long-term friendships with the family. “What you give you get back. It’s a circle,” says Pat King, an eight year volunteer for HSLC.
King became a volunteer after the death of her husband. They had HSLC care for him in their home and King was impressed that hospice supported her as well. King says she wanted to volunteer to relieve the caregivers because hospice support had meant so much to her. Shupe echoes the need to support the caregivers. She says it is the loved ones who have the hardest time coping with death. They want to be with the patient every minute, but they have to take breaks to care for themselves. Being able to offer this break to the caregivers is another reason Shupe volunteers. “Strangers allow me to come in at such a precious, personal moment and share that time with them,” said Shupe, “It is so rewarding.”
Anyone interested in becoming a patient support volunteer is invited to attend a free orientation followed by two free trainings. Hospice Services of Lake County is holding the orientation on Thursday, September 19th from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. The orientation will be followed by two Saturday training sessions on September 21st and 28th from 9:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. in Lakeport. The orientation and trainings will include refreshments and guest speakers. The training program provides the new volunteer with knowledge and tools for visiting hospice patients and offering bereavement support to loved ones. To register and get more information about the orientation and trainings, contact Laurie Fisher by phone at 263-6270 ext. 130 or by e-mail at lfisher@lakecountyhospice.org.